After determining that corporal punishment wasn't going to be a long term solution, I started sourcing hard drives for my ailing 20Gb 4G iPod. Quickly, I realized I could probably put an even larger hard drive than the original 20Gb (MK2006GAL) Toshiba 1.8 if I got a larger backplate. Uncertain whether it'd work, I looked briefly on the internet and couldn't get a decent affirmative response.
Oddly, I hadn't thought of eBay when looking for backplates or drives, until I started thinking about batteries. eBay (duh) has everything and more. So, I asked one of the 40Gb backplate sellers whether it'd work. "Winterpoem" was very helpful, but unfortunately his auction ended before I could buy it. $167 later and I had a 40Gb 4G backplate and a MK6006GAH, a 60Gb hard drive. The replacement was straightforward and now I have a 60Gb 4th Generation iPod. A new 5G 80Gb iPod's about $350, so I "saved" $187 and a 50 mile trip to the Apple Store. I consider that a good deal.
I'll probably end up buying a 1200mAh battery and an eVo2 iSkin that fits well (the 20Gb sized iSkin fits, but looks like a fat guy in a little suit, which is also fitting) which'll set me back another whopping $25.
I also forgot that they made 4G color iPods in the same size, so for another $100 (which'd've blown my budget) I could've gotten a color LCD (~$50) and a color motherboard (~$50).
As a last note, if you're selling (or reselling) your old 60Gb 4th gen iPod photo's HD on eBay, delete all the info from it, otherwise someone'll find your pictures and keep your music (which, in this case, wasn't worth it).